36 Questions that Lead to Connection: Strengthening the Bond for New Parents

Are you ready to be parents? Nearly everyone says that they aren't! But there are some things that you can do to strengthen your bond with your co-parent. It's often hard to put language to the fundamental shift that happens when you go from thinking about "you" as a couple to thinking about "you" as a family.

Preparing for the journey of parenthood involves not only practical preparations but also emotional and relational readiness. One powerful way to foster connection and deeper respect between partners is through meaningful and open communication. Asking questions, particularly those that delve into personal thoughts, experiences, and aspirations, can build a strong foundation for the transition into parenthood.

Here are 36 thought-provoking questions that can help you stay connected to your partner and prepare for your postpartum journey:

Questions to Bond as a Couple

1. What is your favorite and least favorite part of pregnancy?

2. What's your most embarrassing moment in pregnancy?

3. How have I (and we) changed since becoming pregnant? Becoming parents?

4. What's taken you by surprise in pregnancy? Postpartum?

5. Do you miss our pre-pregnancy life? If so, what part?

6. What do you imagine birth being like? Feeling like?

7. What will you do if you need alone time but feel like there's not enough space?

8. How do you feel about the blood, fluid, and poop of childbirth?

9. What food or activity are you most excited to enjoy post-pregnancy?

10. What did you like and dislike about how your parents raised you?

11. We might only ever talk about the baby once they're here! What kind of questions should we keep asking each other that aren't baby-related?

12. What part of parenting makes you the most excited? The most nervous?

13. What do you think will be the hardest adjustment we will have to make as new parents?

14. How will you feel if the baby only calms down with me?

15. What do you need each week to feel like "you"? What do we need each week to feel like "us"?

16. What's one simple and short activity we can do together to stay connected during our child's first year of life?

17. We might only ever talk about the baby once they're here! What kind of questions should we keep asking each other that aren't baby-related?

Questions to Plan as a Family

1. Who do we want with us when I'm in labor? Doula? Family members?

2. Will we tell family and friends right away that the baby was born?

3. How much time do we want to spend with extended family after the baby is born?

4. Who should we designate to take notes or collect questions for birth, postpartum recovery, and newborn care?

5. What do you want to take on and research or learn in pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and baby care?

6. How do you (and we) want to discipline?

7. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? What does that mean for raising our child?

8. Have you thought about how and where to have sex when there's a baby in the house? What are you comfortable with?

9. Tell me three things about the imaginary baby you created in your mind.

10. Let's talk sleep! How should we divide nighttime duties?

11. Babies cry a lot! How much crying are you comfortable with? How often will we intervene?

12. When was the last time you changed a diaper?! Or bathed a baby?

13. How will you bond with the baby?

Questions to ask Ema to Enhance Emotional Connection

1. What strategies enhance communication and emotional intimacy in long-term relationships after having a baby?

2. What can I do if I don’t like what my partner says or does?

3. How can I find a professional counselor or therapist?